TRUE LIFE STORIES OF ERIE ONE:

APARTMENT LIFE:

   Part One...

Two weeks ago from today during a weekday, sometime after midnight, I was awake eating a midnight snack in the kitchen--Yeah, I know! I shouldn't be eating this late.

 "Knock, knock, knock!" Who in the hell would be knocking at my door at this time of the night? Girl Scouts selling cookies? I think not! Jehovah's Witnesses offering me a copy of the Watchtower? I don't think so! Well, lets see?

   I grab my fork in hand, tightly clinched, ready to use it as a weapon if I have to. So, I walk over to the door and look out the peep hole. I notice a man with a hooded sweater on, looking away from the door. Hmmmm, very interesting, I thought.

   I am glad to have a window not far from the door--So, that I could see from head to toe who is standing at the door. I open up the Levolor vertical blinds and look out as much as they can see me, too. It's three black men, all wearing hooded sweaters with their hands in their pockets. I spoke with a stern voice and a disturbed look on my face. "What's up?" As I shake my head upwards.

   All three men look at each other, one shakes his head and they all walk away. I wasn't planning on opening the door, anyways! Damn those midnight marauders! I haven't used my shotgun in awhile--But, it's always ready to go if need be.

   Part Two...

Last night, sometime after midnight, I was reading a book. I heard some shouting/yelling--I didn't think much of it because I do have some loud-ass neighbors who stay up past 2am on a weekday night smoking, toking, coughing, yapping, and just plain ole bullshitting late at night.

   But, this was different! It's a woman's voice and she began shouting for help! She screamed, "HELP!! HELP!! SOMEBODY HELP, ME!!" Wow! That was disturbing! I quickly shut off the lights and look out my bedroom window. "Shit!" I don't see anything! It must be coming from the parking lot since I can not see it from this window.

   I walk over to turn on my light. "Awe, crap!" Where's the switch?! My light switch is not where it should be, at the edge of the wall, rather, it's almost toward the center of the wall and now i'm blinded by the darkness. I frantically search for the switch. "Ah-ha!" I found it!

   I grab my switchblade (yes, a real sharp son-of-a-bitch of a switchblade) from my drawer. I run over to the living room and peek out the window. By this time, I hear no more shouts or yells. Nothing! What the fuck?! Dammit! What happened? Where did she go? If I had called the sheriffs, what could I possibly tell them? I heard some screams for help. But, I have no idea where they actually came from.

   For several minutes I keep a vigilant watch for any suspicious activity. And, nothing! I thought I was gonna bust a Bruce Willis or something of that nature. But, no! Didn't happen... I think we need a neighbor watch program over here...

Til next time cabrones!...

-ErieOneTheVigilante